Is it normal to miss your booty call?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
