this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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