The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
