she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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