dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
