May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
