Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
