But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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