Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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