i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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