I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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