What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize