thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
