Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
