if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I skipped work to stalk him.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
