I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
