why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
