i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
