I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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