I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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