here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
