the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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