Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
