For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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