i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
