Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
