it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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