I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
