It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
