ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
