one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
