I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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