I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
