I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize