shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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