i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
