What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
