Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
