Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
