Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
