if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
