I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
