you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize