my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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