Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
