TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
