The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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