Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
