So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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