did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My balls are so social today.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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