I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
