Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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