Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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