Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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