I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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