I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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