Ambien. No doubt about it.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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