Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
