My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
