That's intense
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
