you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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