Nicole vs. Life
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
