she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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